Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Waborakatuh,
It has been in my heart for awhile and I guess I gotta get it goes off my chest. Last few days, I was in raging anger deep down inside and was trying to control my temper but I can't till I seek adviced from my mom coz she's the only one who can cool me down everytime I was in a bad mood.I'm and still mad at myself because of what I've done. I knew her weakness and I used it against her. I said things that I wasn't thinking about at all when I talked to her like I told her that I lied to her just to make her happy. I just made them up spontaneously *sigh*. And also I told her that for all this time I lied to her since the day I confessed to her. I just made up things that would made her hates me and I did that. I did those just because she told me that she was confused before and now there're nothing to be confuse about. But why on earth at the same moment I was apologizing to her for being a liar. WHAT??!! Why do I need to apologize if I want her to be mad at me and hates me for the rest of her life?? Stupid don't I?? What's good of being nice to people?? Why can't I be evil that wears Prada?? eeyhh *serious back* Why can't I be a heartless person, who won't care about other's feelings and who can't feel anything?? *sigh*There're things that I want to say to her. I'm so worried, I feel anxiety can't get near nor close to her. "What is it about that person who's next to you, did he make you cry?? I guess not. *sigh* Now, I'll spend my nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times. Always be happy with him so I won't have a changed of mind, even the smallest regret won't be left out ever. Please live well as if I should feel jealous. You should always be like that bright sky, like that white cloud. And YES, you should always smile like that as if nothing happened."I hope she won't find me again and live on because I have no regrets from loving her. I think I can bear it some way and I guess I can stand it some way. I guess she should be happy if we're like this because I can only make her cry. Now the tears will dry completely as time passes by and I think it would've hurt less if we didn't meet at all. Eventhough her smiles bring me back to life. Don't worry, my prayer for her will reach the heaven.I hope that, what I'm doing right now is right. I guess this's something that I can live on with. Because I believe in Allah, I'll just wait what Allah's going to give me and show what's my fate will be coz I just can only pray. InsyaAllah good things will come sooner or later. Oh sorry if this post bored you and wasted your precious time of reading it.p/s: yea I know I'm being emo lately, it's just I need it to get out off my chest and I guess I'm okay after this.
(^.^*)vLabels: apologise, emo, post, update from Leeds
